My luxuries

I’m a dreamer.

I like to think of things I don’t have (yet) which I hope I someday somehow will have.

Most of the time, I wish: if I have (much) money, I’d buy …

But now I also wish: when I will have money and time and privacy, I’d do …

When I was a child, it’s strange for me when people say they have no time. I seemed to have all the time in the world I needed.

I now think I had a happy childhood just because i didn’t need to hurry.

So when i have the time, I’d write all the thoughts and stories which I never have time to write down, and afterwards just forgot about them. It’s a pity for me as this way I feel parts of my life was lost. I didn’t have the chance to acknowledge the experiences that mattered to me. Like this experience of staying in Poland the past 1 month with my daughter. Or the experience of visiting Hungary. I don’t really need to watch Tv, but i feel big need to write some kind of diary. Diary takes time, i realized that, but it’s my own luxury I don’t want to give up upon.

When I have time, I’d read some of the books which we have in our house. I’d like to read everything I like to read, like some classical novels, some books about popular science, or humanistic issue. I stopped to read them since I was a student, I just didn’t have the time. Work, make money, get married, child, study, family, friends,daily life, we have so little time for daydreaming away. Reading something not directly linked to profession, or childcare, or some other realistic function of life is a luxury.

When I have a lot of time, and for no bad reason, like sitting in prison, or so (just because I can’t imagine how it can be possible to have so much time), I’d like to write a novel. I spent one summer holiday writing short story when I was a teenager. It was tiring but fascinating. Now I’d like to write a novel. And in order to do so, I’d need to travel and do research for the novel. Maybe to France, Paris, the Opera house, some old country cottage, get lost in some libraries and museums. I’d then need to speak and read French, a bit at least. I’d need the money to stay and travel, and a peaceful mind to not feel guilty about family or work. That’s why I stressed ‘for no bad reason’.

Hobbies are like friends you meet along the way, they come and go. You appreciate them all, for being a part in your life, but those who do stay, you need to take care of them, as they must mean something special to you. But it’s a luxury, to be able to take good care of them.

In the mean time, all I can do is to dream of them, and hope I’d not let them slip away like sand through my fingers.

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