I didn’t know that i am someone’s best friend.
Sounds sweet but in fact a bit horrible.
Fiori is a beautiful Eritrean woman. Her daughter and Nhim are best friends. They play whole day together in kindergarten. Everyday. And that’s not enough. Before going home, they need to decide who will visit whom today. ‘Today’ means the rest part of the day. Often one day Nhim visits Hermela, the next day opposite. Eventually Fiori and I see each other almost everyday as we come and pick up our kid.
But i never thought i’m her best friend.
We didn’t know each other for long, and mostly things goes around the kids. Her Norwegian is not good, we don’t speak English to each other because her English is also not that good. So i can’t say i have exchanged very much info with her. I don’t confide in her and she doesn’t in me. How come i could be her best friend if we don’t know so much about each other.
Maybe it’s just something is wrong with the way i see what ‘best friend’ is. Or maybe not ‘wrong’ but ‘different’ from the way she perceives of ‘best friend’. Well, i mean it’s an honor to be regarded as best friend. I just don’t figure out how it’s possible that i’m somebody’s best friend.
I had a few that i considered best friends in my life previously. In my teen and student years, while the personality are still more flex. In my primary school, best friend was the one i played with the most, like Nhim and Hermela now. Just enjoy each other’s company.
In my secondary school, best friend jumped to the next level. I was a teenager, and i practically adored them. It was almost close to worshiping. It was nearing the kind of attachment you have in a relationship, only without attraction. Maybe this time coincides with the time i dwelled quite much in attraction to boys, and best friend was just a kind of contrasting to opposite sex attraction. When i liked some boy, i tried extremely hard to not make visible to anyone. But best friend was somehow a safer sanctuary where i could measure how much acceptable my attraction to that boy was. I didn’t dare to confide even in the best friend. I was very shy.
Anyway, best friend was when i was very interested on the personality of that friend, her opinions shapes mine, her world was a (big and important) part of my world. And there was a lot of dedication involved. I read that deep friendship does pave the way to deep relationship later in life. That’s why I’m happy Nhim has such a deep friendship with Hermela.
But apparently i have none of such with Fiori.
Actually i realized just today i have stopped to have such kind of need. Maybe it’s gone with the teen years. maybe now that I have my husband and he has taken place of the best friend, as I confide the most in him. Or maybe I have learnt to become my own best friend. Maybe I have learnt to doubt too much and abandoned the need of a best friend.
People still have best friend even when they’re married and old, don’t they. Strangely I don’t feel i have that urging need anymore. It’s kind of I’m relaxed enough to appreciate the relationship but I learn to don’t clutch them close anymore. I let them go, if life separates us. And say thank you, you’ve made a part of my life.
Hen mother 